why the fuck were we in Portugal..?

I'm still not too sure why the fuck i went to portugal..?

I guess i kinda had too for some work shit but it was fuckin weird. I flew in from new york to lisbon, met this pommy family who let me follow them through these weird streets exactly to the house where i was gonna be posted for my whole 72 fuckin hours in this portugese speakin joint. You know when you've travelled over 10 hours on a plane or 20 for that matter, i don;t give a fuck if you're paris hilton, miranda kerr or the fuckin queen... you start to smell like shit.

So when i arrived strider and jimmy were ready to hit the contest to go down for danes heat.. so i pulled up.. left my shit in my car and went to the contest.... Smellin like one of those fuckin stinky fucks that hang in the BBq area near dbah that push their clothes around in old trollys... Like someone had held me down, pissed on me then rubbed a piss troff lolly all over my face.

GREAT..

SO hear we are..... anyway.. No worries watch danes heat he wins all good... now cool lets fuck off home so i can wash my sweaty nuts.. PLEASE.... worst thing is, I feel like shit and am walking up this fuckin shit dusty track in 25 + degree heat in jeans and my phone starts beeping with shit messages like "oh saw you on the webcast with dane you look like shit".. next one... "are you hung over, saw you on the web"...FUCK OFF.... i just had flown 20 fuckin somethin hours in the same shit and got dragged to the beach to a fuckin surf contest without having a shower.. No sleep and FUCKin now text messages... hahahaa.. Portugal.... ahh fuckin portugal.. reckon I'm goin back anytime soon....mmm...FUCkin hope not.. only if i'm with the boys again.. funny fucks....

Oh yeh ya shoulda seen my effort to shake a bottle of $200 champagne in a 5 star hotel restaurant then to stop it spraying everywhere i stuck my mouth over it, then offer everyone a glass...?... Yep I'm a fuckin dick head... haha.. till next time ey... now I'm in L.A headin to the desert in the morning.. who fuckin knows whats around the corner....hahaha

Lifes sometimes a bit Foggy

Time change ..sure knows how to fuck you up. Since I’ve been in the US I have been completely in another world , The time change from Australia to the US has thrown me completely out “getting to sleep around 2 or 3 in the morning and up at 7am.. Kinda walking around like a zomby half alsleep with a caffene syringe showed up you’re arse, a coffee is the only thing to get ya movin in the morning the only rank thing is when you get a cup of coffee here they pretty much hand you a 2 litre jug and next minute you’re shittin like you’ve eatin a pack of laccettes and jibber jabbin like a crack head.

I left LA this mornin for NYC super early, had to leave my hotel at 4am bound for New york then Lisbon in Portugal.. Did my usual, stopped in at some road side gas station and got my brewed American coffee “yeh about 2 litres” and headed in the direction of LAX.. the fucked thing was I got on the 405 free way and “oh ohh” push…. Jesus I deadest nearly shit my pants…had to pull into some crook joint cause the French vanilla coffee recommended to me by the 60 soemthin year old lady in seal beach with barely any pegs in her head and hair like straw I swear had been riddled with laccetives..!!!! FUCK… were do you shit AT 4.20AM driving down the 405 freeway to LAX when the nearest sign I just past said “Crenshaw boulevard” fuck I’d hearda that shit in dre dre tracks and N.W.A lyrics when I wasa grommet..this was notorious black ganster neighbour hood.. .. oh fuckin great…… Anyway I pulled in… found the nearest servo , begged the fucker behind the counter for the keys to the shitter “after he told me I must buy soemthin” so fuckin cashews it was.. threew them straight in the bin”..$1.20 shit” and hobbled in like my right foot had been shot with a tazer gun…AHHHHHHHHH fuckiin relief..

Then once it was all over I was thinkin “OH fuck my cars been stolen, my camera shit, the bag of fuckin wetsuits for Kelly & dane I’m takin to Portugal Ahh fuck”.. anyway.. all was good in the end.. I have never driven down any fuckin road in my entire life with such a fuckin smile so big people passing by probably thought “what the fuck is that weirdo smiling so much for at 445am in the fuckin morning.?..”

I got my car dropped off , jumped on the hertz bus and headed for LAX..

More fuckin Lines in that joint than a cocaine party.. HOLY SHIT….!!!

The one thing September 11 did do is fuckin make sure as hell it takes you 2 hours to get through check in to security to get to your fuckin gate..!!! jesus.. I got there in the end..as soon as I did I pretty much crash and burned on the 5 hour flight to new york after shutting out the noisy bitch sitttin next to me from haliewa in Hawaii she was telling me the most pointless shit about her husband, how her family were from queens and brooklyn, how she cashs in when the asp tour comes to town..yadda yadda yadda…… I just reached into my bag grabbed my “Noise cancelling headphones “ and shut her the fuck outta my life and crash and burned.. Next minute I wake up in New york and straight into a Brooklyn LAGER… Ahhh this is the life.. New york city sippin on a fuckin thick Brooklyn beverage.. Portugals only another 8 hours away.. fuckin travellin’ s good shit.. LETS ROLLL another day another Adventure..!! what will tomorrow bring..?.. who fuckin know>>>As long as the beers cold. We’re all good.>>!!!!!!!

Yew Ess Eyyy

How fuckin goods the U.S of fuckin A...!!

This photo above is of my mate Mikey B, he's a funny fucker we were dribblin shit to each other tonight on skype after i had been down stairs nailin a few coors lights watchin the yankee's kick the Angles arse in the play offs tonight in the world series. I wandered across the street with a mate beau who works at quik here in the states and walked into the bottle shop to purchase a coupla night cappers and the guy behind the counter was fuckin classic. I bought the beer above sittin on my laptop "Steel reserve" it's 8.1% alcohol and the indian dude says to me in his indian accent after i askedhim what it was like "fooork man this shit is usually drunk by the foockin looocal drunks ya knooow, they smoke crack then haaave no moneeey so they drink this shit but there's fruit punch in the fridge that is 12.1& called loco".... fuckin Loco alright.. MAN... holy shit... hahahaha So i bought this good old awesome drop back to my room and necked it... yep tasted like filthy old horse arse but fuckin $3.81 for a 40 ounce beer that made me all of a sudden feel drunk as fuck... Not bad.. No wonder why you see so many fuckin twisted units in this joint.. crack for $20, 40's for $3.81.. fuckin hell it's cheap as shit to have ya self one hell of a fuckin problem..hahaha..

Jesus yesterday i went and shot a 44 magnum and glock at a firing range for $35 for about 100 bullets.. and the fucked thing was this kid was about 10 years old with his dad and the little bastard was firing a rifle.. that little fucks gonna grow up and blow some poor pricks scone off when he hits eighteen cause they pushed in the line at Mc Donalds.. FUCK ME.... hahahaha.

But AMerica is fuckin good.. Today i drove my mercedes rental "only cause i showed the old chick at hertz my sack she upgraded me" into longbeach to shoot some pics on sunset , i ended up in some shit shipping yard , i thought some crack head or snoop dogg was gonna robb me so i split outta the joint and got the fuck back on the freeway another hour and 45 minutes back to huntington but in the process stopped off at this mental little mexi joint.. sat next to this red neck lookin chick with a semi mullet, trackie dacks on and them pulled up above her belly button, i sat there with my chips, salsa, beer and dinner for $13 and let her tell me how good her tit job was for her confidence and how her husband had a small prong... Faaaarrrrk.... who fuckin cares.. I love this joint.. i think I'm movin here..

YOOOOOOW....

welcome to LAX

my eyes feel like they have had metho poured in them after the 12 hour mission to LA.

Being the dip shit that i am i stayed out nearly all night in surfers on saturday for ash harro's bucks night with the boys and stumbled in home at 5am then outta bed at 7am and got drivin up to brissy airport for my 11am flight to LA.

Stinky, dazed and confused , the kid next to me would look over occasionally and i could tell in his eyes he wanted to say "you fuckin stink man". Only managed 4 hours sleep on the flight, watched a coupla shitty movies and iciked back with my $18 spongy neck pillow and some "D" grade mags to keep me entertained.. Sleepers couldn't even kick me in the arse..

So here i sit in huntingbeach in the shorebreak hotel on the pac coast hwy room 350, black sabbath on the pod playin in the background, wonderin if i should crack this bottle of "rosenblum" red sittin in front of me . WELCOME TO L.A baby....

"i took the pic above about 4pm thisarvo of a caddy just round the corner from my hotel.. beaten up old bit of gold.."

How fuckin goods ridin free.....

I've been a bit of a travellin wilbury lately, LA, Mexico, LA, home, Melbourne, Goldy, Bali, Darwin now home all in the space of about 5 weeks and now kickin it on the goldy for about 6 days before i pack up my rugged old travel bag then fuck off to LA again...then to portugal. good old U.S of A the place i love the most fast fuckin wild times . And i fuckin love it... planes trains and automobiles.. BRING THAT SHIT ON....!!!

I like shit plane food, the AC burning my pupils on late night flight "i carry clear eye's", squashed seats "use a neck pillow..gold", delays "dodgy bali movies on ya laptop..saviour", free booze on international flights, chatting to randoms on planes and tellling them you're someone you're not.. hahahaa..fun as fuck....right..?

It kinda shits me sometimes when i ask people "whats happenin man" and the shitty response i get is "ohhhh just fuckin flyin around , i hate travellin"...

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.. mate getting out there seein all kinds of shit around the world and getting amongst it. Wether it be darwin, tamworth new york or fuckin Mirrocco...FUCK ME...you could be diggin holes, workin the check outs in coles running peoples groceries through the check out, cleaning shitty toilets for the council at 4am.. fuckin lifes good man and I'm enjoying every fuckin second... YEP LETS GO..!!!

. I just hit 30 whilst in bali, got blind with good friends surfed a little 2 foot right hander with 1 other guy out, necked a bunch of long island ice teas at ku de ta, smoked cigars at Hu'u bar and soaked that shit up like no fuckin tomorrow. HOW FUCKIN GOOD IS THIS....!!!!!

So i guess my point is.. I aint wastin my fuckin shitty existance here wingein.. My jobs takin me fuckin off aroudn the world with good people and i'm fuckin lovin it.. so if ya see me somewhere , lets have a cold beer and celebrate..its mandatory..!!!

Travellins easy.. look at the pic below.. they're happy as a pig in shit.. !!!

RIDE ON..!!!

IF YOU EVER SEE ME SHOOTIN PICS LIKE THIS FREAK BELOW..

KICK ME IN THE NUTS.!!